What is Mental Health Really?
If you’ve ever found yourself wondering what “mental health” actually looks like, you’re not alone. As a thinker on psychotherapy, Nancy McWilliams is a favorite of mine and I love this video:
Here’s a breakdown of the key mental health traits McWilliams highlights—
1. Self-Constancy
“It is a joy to be hidden, but a disaster not to be found.” —D.W. Winnicott
This is all about staying connected to yourself, even when things feel shaky. Self-constancy is the ability to maintain a stable sense of who you are, even when life shakes you up. It means you don’t lose yourself when someone’s mad at you, a relationship shifts, or things don’t go your way. You can hold onto the core of your identity without being completely derailed by external events or others’ opinions.
2. Self-Efficacy
“Self-efficacy is the belief in one’s capabilities to organize and execute the courses of action required to manage prospective situations.” —Albert Bandura
Mental health includes believing you can do things. It’s not about being a superhero but knowing you can handle life’s curveballs (or at least figure them out as you go). Whether it’s tackling that overwhelming email or setting a boundary, you trust yourself to take action. Self-Efficacy is the belief in your ability to take action and influence outcomes in your life. You are not just being thrashed around by life’s events.
3. Self-Esteem
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” —Carl Rogers
This one gets a lot of airtime, but McWilliams frames it beautifully: self-esteem isn’t about being overly confident or loving every inch of yourself 24/7. It’s about feeling solid enough in your worth that you don’t need to chase validation constantly—or tear yourself down when things go wrong.
4. Resilience
“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” —Albert Camus
Resilience doesn’t mean bouncing back like nothing happened. It’s more like being able to adapt, rebuild, and keep going after life throws you for a loop. You can cry about it, but then you eventually find your footing again.
5. Reflective Function
“We should treat with indulgence every human folly, failing, and vice, bearing in mind that what we have before us are simply our own failings, follies, and vices…We should not be indignant with others for these vices simply because they do not appear in us at the moment.” ― Irvin D. Yalom,
This is therapist-speak for being able to think about why you do what you do—and why others do what they do, too. It’s the ability to step back and say, “Huh, that’s interesting. Why did I react that way?” instead of automatically spiraling into self-judgment or blame nor personalizing the actions of others.
6. Self-Advocacy
"To be nobody but yourself in a world that is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else -- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight." — e.e. cummings
You know those moments where you need to speak up for yourself but it’s scary? Self-advocacy is the muscle that lets you say, “This is what I need,” even if your voice shakes. It’s not about being demanding—it’s about honoring your needs and communicating them.
7. Vitality
“The true opposite of depression is neither gaiety nor absence of pain, but vitality — the freedom to experience spontaneous feelings. It is part of the kaleidoscope of life that these feelings are not only happy, beautiful, or good but can reflect the entire range of human experience…” —Alice Miller
McWilliams includes vitality as a marker of mental health, and honestly, it’s underrated. Vitality is about feeling alive—like you’re in your body, connected to the moment, and experiencing the fullness of life. It’s not always huge or dramatic; sometimes it’s just the joy of a good meal or a dance party in your kitchen.
8. Acceptance
“Radical acceptance rests on letting go of the illusion of control and a willingness to notice and accept things as they are right now, without judgment.” —Marsha Linehan
This one’s big. Mental health isn’t about fixing everything or achieving some mythical version of perfection. It’s about accepting yourself and your circumstances as they are, while still striving for growth. It’s the ultimate “both/and.” Further, it’s accepting your own limited role in the world and your own limited influence on others.
9. Love, Work, and Play
"I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, ‘If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.’” —-Kurt Vonnegut
McWilliams wraps it all up with these three pillars: love, work, and play. Healthy relationships (of any kind), meaningful work (paid or unpaid), and a sense of playfulness or creativity are essential to a well-rounded, mentally healthy life. Neglect one of these, and things tend to feel off balance.
